So, what's new with Grace!? Just yesterday (at 15 weeks on the day), we noticed that she has started this super cute thing...there aren't many things that aren't cute to a parent... :) She has always smiled at us making raspberries or spitting noises with our lips, but just yesterday we noticed that she has begun to mimic us when we do them by pursing her lips and making her very own spitting noises each time we do it! At 3 and a half months! Wow...who knew she'd be mimicking us already! It starts early!
From the very beginning...moreso after we got over the insane lack of sleep, and I was better able to do things like think, eat, shower...etc. on my own...I've been praying for Grace, that God would work in her heart from an early age to show her, her need for him. ("Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breast." - Psalm 22.9) That naturally leads to thinking more about my own life, her daddy's life, and our marriage...how do we live out what we want to model for her is the best way to live?
Because, we all know the whole "do as I say, not as I do" thing is a total sham...and kids see through that much sooner than we think and even better than we do as adults. There's no better hypocrisy detector than a child...because they end up being little mirrors of us for all to see! To our shame or (hopefully) honor--I think you get the idea... If not, just think of those kids who are well-rounded, well-behaved, wiser than their years, and most importantly--what I'm going for because I think the former follows suit with this one--they love the Lord with all their heart. Got that kid in mind...then think of their parent(s). If they live a similar life, it's most likely that child watched closely and learned that mom and/or dad were totally real in their pursuit of God and watched them walk out that life of grace (not just morals) with Christ.
Now, I know there are moms and dads who aren't believers and have good kids...that's not what I'm talking about...if you're not a believer, my point isn't to offend you. My point is that I know I am not a perfectly moral person and I fail often, and I've tried living under the weight of legalism and it doesn't work. It's just too much to bear; if I, a grown adult, can't and don't want to live under that, I certainly don't want or expect my child to. What I want, instead, is to model a life of commitment to Jesus Christ, lived completely out of the strength that he supplies through his grace to me bought by his death on the cross thereby giving me his righteous standing before God even though I'm a terrible, death-deserving sinner.
That is both harder and easier to do than the whole legalism gig. Harder because I have to be ever vigilant in my own walk with the Lord...I gotta stay close to him, I have to be in his word, I have to constantly guard and watch my heart and my actions and make sure they are pure and honoring toward him and others. But because I'm a terrible, death-deserving sinner...this is a NEVER ENDING thing for me, people! I'm a mess! And I have to be okay with my child (Lord willing--children--in the future) seeing that and constantly walking out the cycle of repentance from those sins and faith in Christ's all sufficient death on the cross to forgive those sins that are like filthy rags that I wear for all to see...especially the ones who live in close quarters with me. This is a job that won't end until I leave this planet...and if it does, then I will end up down a path I did not intend to go down, nor do I want to model taking for my child or anyone else. BUT the easier part is that I don't bear the weight of this alone EVER! Praise the Lord! But Jesus bears it with me! His grace is always sufficient when I fail to forgive me and lift me up and keep me pressing on. And then he puts amazing people around me who encourage me and remind me when I forget the truth or step outside the bounds he's set for me because a certain sin or lie looks more attractive or believable than he does. And he promises never to leave me or forsake me. I mean...really, this way of repentance and faith in grace sounds SO much better than the trap of legalism and dos and don'ts that I try to keep on my own...all by myself...alone...without anyone, even Jesus (yuck!), doesn't it?
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." ~Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)
Man, do people really grasp what they're signing up for to have kids when they do? I didn't. "But he gives more grace..." (James 4:6a) And "the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23) And I need it!
So, I kinda feel like this is a bit of a "grace" period, if you will... I mean, Grace is only 3 and a half months old. She's not watching my every move and copy catting me just yet...(besides the spitting thing, and that's kind of cute...for now). But it's definitely a serious, kind reminder from God for my own sake, and hers to be on my toes and really just a call to come and be still and just be with him. Because the rest of it will flow out of that. How sweet is that. It's so easy...and so hard at the same time, but his grace is sufficient in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:9) and what he began in me, he will carry on to completion (Phil. 1:6). Thank you, Jesus!
So, my prayer with Grace and all of my life, taken from John Piper, is "'Hallowed be Thy name' (Matthew 6:9). Lord, cause your name to be known and feared and loved and cherished and admired and praised and trusted because of my life and ministry."
